Over the last couple of months, I’ve been dipping into the book Blue Like Jazz, by Donald Miller. I have enjoyed reading about Don’s spiritual pilgrimage and have learned a few things too.
But the other day, one lesson hit me right where I needed to be hit. It was a lesson about love. Don relates a story about hearing a message that starts with a discussion of the metaphors we use to talk about cancer. After Greg Spencer, the speaker, probes the audience, it is clear that our metaphor for talking about cancer is war. It is a fight, a battle, and we triumph over it, or we lose the war. And the metaphor itself actually helps us win the battle, because it encourages an all-in attitude about the struggle.
Then the message moves on to the metaphor we commonly use to talk about love: We value a friendship, we invest in a relationship, people are priceless, a relationship is bankrupt. In other words, we use an economic metaphor to talk about love.
Don and I both realized that we use our love as a payment we give to people of whom we approve. If someone is doing the things we like, we pay them with love, and if they are not, we withhold our love.
As a church we have been studying and experiencing the supernatural power of the Holy Spirit in our lives. We are familiar with the Spirit speaking to us and helping us understand scripture and our lives. The supernatural work of the Spirit enables us to use the gifts we have been given. However, it doesn’t take any supernatural power to know when someone with whom you work does not like you.
I have been guilty of that kind of stinginess. I have withheld my love and approval of those around me based on whether or not they did what I liked. When Don realized his mistake, he started with repentance and then he transformed his thinking. It had a healthy impact on those around him, but more importantly, it helped him tremendously.
I am in that process now. It has already made some relationships much better: I am not waiting for some kind of change to occur so that I can pay it back with love and approval. People sense when they are loved and know when they are judged. Casting Crowns said it the song, If We are the Body:
A traveler is far away from home
He sheds his coat and quietly sinks into the back row
The weight of their judgmental glances
Tells him that his chances are better out on the road
Jesus paid much too high a price
For us to pick and choose who should come
And we are the body of Christ
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